today's diary

For the past 6 months I've been living without a soul. I tried to pull myself from the loneliness but all I got was just emptiness. Often, I looked outside my bedroom window and I saw a light a sign...a sign that tell me I had to be strong, but all I know was that I didn't pay attention to any of them. I felt like I lost my faith and hope and I didn't know which way to go. Until now, I still can't find myself feel alive. I can't even cry anymore...all I can feel is just a pain in my heart that won't go away. I force to smile but deep inside I scream so hard. I won't to let go all of my feeling but I can't, it grab me so tight and drag me down. I spend my day wandering around and do things that I am supposed to do. Somehow, part of me tell me I have to do this but the rest of me tell me to stop. I become someone that no one like to be around.. someone that doesn't care about other people and what they think about me. I trap in the world of my own...the world that no one will ever touch. I know that I act so selfish and most of the time I just want to lay in my bed and don't have to say anything to anybody. I don't know where my soul is, all I know is that it wants to go home. I don't know how I still stand so tall when my heart is so weak and hurt. I could not figure out why I wanna do this over and over again when I feel so tired of being alone and broken.